Sometimes I think I get off on the pain...

"There's a side of me that just wont stop dancing in the flame... maybe I just get off on the pain."

You know when you should do something, or stop doing something... for the sake of yourself, of your feelings, your heart, your sanity? When it feels like you're ripping off the bandaid just as you think it's healed, and it opens your wound all over again... and then you have to go through the healing process... again?  I'm finally realizing that I keep opening a wound... that I want to heal (sort of).  This may not make any sense to any one but me, but I'm scared of this wound completely healing; cause then it's over... and all I'm left with is a scar.  I used to be one of those girls who showed off her scars, but I never wanted this one to scar... or even be considered a wound.  But back to the point... a few people have told me what I need to do, for this wound to heal... and even though I knew what they were saying is true, I didn't listen.  And now that I feel I just ripped off the bandaid again, and am in pain, it's hard not to think that somewhere deep down I get this sick enjoyment from it (from an outsiders point of view, it may look that way, but I don't enjoy it). LOL I think I'm finally closing up the wound.  It's just the matter of doing it.  But this song totally relates to how I feel right now...




"I ride the wrong road, just as fast as I can... God knows there's no one else to blame, sometimes I think I get off on the pain."