Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Happiness vs. Confidence

"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering."
-Author Unknown

I'm not complaining about where I am in my life right now, or what is to come.  I'm very excited about my future, very excited to see what will become of my life.  But at this moment, I feel like I'm desperately trying to hold onto, or grab onto a piece of my old life.  (Yea, that sounds a little funny... my old life?)  When I say my 'old life'.. I mean my life before it took a turn.  My life before I decided to step away and do a self-evaluation of who I am, and what I want, my life before I made some changes.  I understand that as I get older, my priorities, my thoughts, my surroundings, my wants and needs will all change.  And as much as I get excited for change... there's a small part of me that never wants anything to change.  I'm trying to fight myself to remember the reasoning for the changes that were made; fighting myself to remember that the changes were for my own good.

But the reason why this has been brought up, is because if I were to compare where I stand now, to where I was then... I would say that I was a much happier person before now.  But along with happiness, was uncertainty.  I was uncertain of what I really wanted in life, uncertain with specific relationships, and uncertain of who I was or the woman I was becoming.  So today I may not be as happy or smile as much, but I can say that I've never been as confident as to who I am or what I want in life.  So I've been trying to forgive myself for trying to grasp for dear life onto the things or the people who once made me smile.  It's hard not to turn around and run back to the things that we know made us feel good.  It's like that saying, "you can't have your cake and eat it too?" (hope I said that right). I want that happiness I once knew, but I don't want the uncertainty that came with it. I want what I had, with the new perspective of my life and myself. 

Sorry, I'm just rambling today.  I guess I need to do what the quote says to do.. live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.  One day at a time... this is enough. 

Just take it one day at a time, Val... What's meant to be will always find it's way.

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