He keeps me going....

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

I love the fact that Saturday, I was wishing it was Wednesday already.  Why, you ask? Cause I wanted to go back to Crossroads/Generate, or even church in general.  Sometimes I find myself reading what I've wrote, or analyzing my thoughts (sounds weird, but I do it)... and I amaze myself about how much I've changed.  Spiritually.  Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd ever be where I am now... looking forward to church, getting mad at myself for falling asleep without praying, asking to keep my family safe and thanking God for everything that I have.  I am truly blessed that with the loss of my Mom... I have found God.  I've never voiced this to anyone, but since my Mom passed, every time I walk into a church - I feel closer to her, and also obviously closer to Him.  I may feel closer to her because the last few weeks she was alive, we prayed a lot as a family..? I'm not entirely sure.  Or maybe I feel closer to her because I know she's with Him.  And there we are, worshiping Him, praising Him.  I can't explain the feeling, the reasoning... but I know I feel it, I feel her.  I find myself at almost every service I've attended since she's passed.. I find myself holding back tears... holding back from looking like the weird girl who's crying over something that's not even emotional in church. LOL I laugh, but it's true. 

 Through all the struggles that comes with losing a parent (and being the oldest)... The financial part of it, the emotional part of it, the part where you now have to act like a mature adult and help parent your younger under aged siblings.. I have told many and have thought everyday.. "It's in God's hands."  He knows what he's doing, and there are certain circumstances that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it, and all you can do...is pray.  You don't realize the hardship that comes along with losing a parent, until you're put into the situation.  And I am so glad that not only do I have my closest friends and family... but if I hadn't/haven't been looking up to God and knowing/feeling Him help me get through this, I honestly believe that I would be a complete mess.

I find this inspirational. It keeps me going.  He keeps me going.  I hope others who are struggling with life can find the comfort that I have with Him, surrendering to Him.. knowing he is control, and he'll take care of you.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  - Proverbs 3:5-6