It's Only Life...

WOW, has it been an emotional week for me.  I know that's normal when it's that 'time of the month', but I've never known to be emotional days after! LOL I laugh, but then again... feel like I can breakdown in tears at any moment.  My sister was talking just yesterday how sometimes she feels like just crying, and she has NO idea why.  So she'll sit there and cry.  I'm thinking I need to listen to her, and try that out.  I really don't have a specific reason for why I'm emotional... I think it's just the stress and just EVERYTHING in general that I feel a huge weight on my heart.  Yea it was a long week, I was sick half the week, was busy, and was that time of the month... I can blame all of that.  On top of that, I had to free my heart from something it was holding onto by a thread (which took me over a week to do), I had the Revlon Cancer Walk which is an emotional day in itself, and had the discussion of leaving California and trying to express to basically my entire family (grandma, aunts, cousins, mom and sisters) how I need to get out of here.  It was hard to sit there in front of them and explain that it has NOTHING to do with them... and of course I know I'm going to miss out on some things, and of course miss them - but I never thought during normal conversation when it came up that I'd break down in tears.  I simply was trying to tell them that I'm looking out for me, that I need to put myself first and think whats best for ME... and I couldn't even say that without tears.  I had to walk away to stop myself and breathe, or I knew I'd just sit there and look like a crying idiot.  It wasn't that I felt attacked, or judged or anything of that sort... but I think after the long week and the feeling of this heavy weight on me, I can seriously cry at the drop of a hat.  It's just frustrating that I want to get out on my own, go do something outside of the norm, be adventurous and venture out into the world on my own... and I feel that I can't, that I'm trapped.  (Of course I'm not physically trapped, but trying to find a job in the industry I want to be in, and not having any luck... is making me feel trapped, that I can't go anywhere).  And anyone who knows me can tell you, that I don't like not being in control and feeling trapped.

So this morning, I put my iPhone on random shuffle.  And one of my favorite artists that I haven't listened to in awhile came on... and this particular song came on... and then I had it on repeat.  It's amazing to me how much music can influence someones attitude, someones day, someones life.  I honestly wish that God had blessed me with musical capabilities... I would be LOST and probably a WRECK without music.